Sooooo, what you’re saying is there are 20-ish full race prepped I-Pace Jags laying about that are pretty much worthless...
Too fancy for Mr. Tracy’s next project...?

Oh yeah - forgot about those. Don’t think it applies here, but according to The Internets:

Also - per the periscope video from the good Sgt. Kerry, this shite-head only has his “G2" license. Ontario has a graduated license program, so this little twit doesn’t even have his full license yet...

A star for the men and women of “le Vingt-deuxième” 
(I think...?)

While towing 3500 lbs with a minivan may be possible, *stopping* an extra 3500 lbs may prove challenging. If you’re going this route, consider trailer brakes for anything over 2k, depending on local conditions (i.e. Kansas vs. Colorado)

If that car had a brand-new, un-used-dyno-time-only $8,000 motor...
I’d give you a $1000 for it.
CP.

Or anything you don’t mind spilling grape juice in.  ‘Cause if you don’t, The Hellspawn will...

Agreed. Anyone who enters “What Car Should I Buy” must place their budget amount into an escrow account, to which the applicant and a Jalopnik Senior Editor (and applicant’s spouse, where applicable) have signing authority.
Then we, the good readers and Russian-deployed bots of the internet, decide which of the…

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No giant screen with hidden menus. No giant screens, plural. How refreshing. No rotary or dial interfaces will less intuitive user-orientated design than a Playstation controller. You get in the car, you get comfortable, and then you drive the car. That’s nice.
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Dear auto makers and car designer-type people,
Please…

Yeah - part of me says “don’t feed the beast”, the other part of me says “point at ridiculous people and laugh at them”... 

So many hours spent playing Colin McRae 2.0, that I find myself using a Scottish accent anytime I ride shotgun and give directions. Exactly 2 of my friends get the joke. The rest (including wifey) find it irritating...

So this is cool, and congrats to the team for making it all fit. However, I have yet to get my front-wheel-drive-snow-tire-shod minivan into a situation that required all wheel drive. I live in the north east and do silly things with snow mobiles from time to time.
Cool feature, but not an option I will be ticking with…

“If there’s no oil under it, there’s no oil in it”

Said this before - but this ^^ is exactly why all of this driver-assist shite needs to be BANNED. My “rental car test” used to consist of seat/wheel/radio/A-C/lights/wipers in 30 seconds or less. Now it’s 10 minutes of menu/sub-menu/sub-sub-menu/disable before I’m semi-confident the car won’t randomly throw out the…

Funny how the “cold room” in Dearborn circa 1968 looks like my hotel parking lot in Winnipeg this week...

‘92 XJ.
Thank God it (and local off-road recovery tow truck driver) can’t talk...

How about three strikes and we take your license *and* your phone...that’ll get someones attention ;)

Put average run-of-the-mill people in shifter karts. Put a good mic in their helmets and have decent Go-Pro coverage -> hilarity will ensure -> profit. 
(also make sure they sign a very legit waiver before-hand)