R.I.P. UVa Pep Band.

Gerald “Ice Cube” McNeil.

You realize, of course, that my original kid already abandoned me, and four years later, a diseased opossum dressed in human clothes arrived on my doorstep. I took him in, raised him as my own despite his narcolepsy and rickets, and still paid his college tuition. But a rational man still evaluates the Jets and says,…

> How’d you like to be a Jets fan right now?

My wife literally refuses to see “A Cure for Wellness” because of that song.

But that coach! They should fire that bum, I say! What a charlatan! A jackanapes! A ta-ra-ra-goon-de-ay! Also, he made a decision that had a negative outcome, thus making it a bad decision.

That was clearly a shot.

Again, this seems perfectly in line with the NBA’s policy of, “When in doubt, less Kings.”

There is no scenario in which the NBA will intentionally inflict “more Kings” on anyone.

My wife had a small stroke four years ago and struggles with minor aphasia. She has done physical therapy, and activity seems to lessen the symptoms. She also did a series of mental acuity exercises, but having family members being willing to wait patiently does more than anything else, really.

I think Jacksonville should simply cut bait at the end of the season, so that Bortles can take his rightful place as starting quarterback for the Cleveland Browns (weeks 3-4 and 10-12, two different injuries).

Mike Pence is worse than Donald Trump.

Embiid and Simmons are, in fact, exactly as good as Hell is.

Neal Heaton wasn’t a very good pitcher, but it’s a great Pitcher’s Name.

I’m pretty sure that once Buffalo Wild Wings is invoked, the argument is over. I believe this is Godwin’s Corollary.

I didn’t realize Jemaine Clement was an Indians fan! Good on ya, mate!

Because their best hitter (by oWAR) is Jose Ramirez and their best relief pitcher (by WAR) is Dan Otero. As everyone predicted.

Maybe he’ll think of playing 11 men instead of 10?

This running gag is ostensibly very funny. I don’t get it, but I’m sure it must be, or Deadspin wouldn’t continue posting it.

I think that “legally blind” people qualify, which means they have some visual acuity (“there’s a fuzzy moving object”). With blindfolds, everyone is on equal footing (so to speak).