Unlike everyone else, I appreciate your thoughts. In fact, let’s get more nitpicky... You’re definitely right that taco bell’s taco sauce isn’t high enough in calories to live on, or even pro-long the inevitable starvation unless he had a ton (hundreds?) of packets. But, I’d argue it could definitely stave off…

10 years sounds reasonable, so, the most anyone could possibly do it would be, what? 9 times? Not that much inconvenience, right? Literally, under 20 hours in an entire lifetime. The issue though...10 years is probably a little long for many people between 70 & 80. And those people that pass their 80 year exam,…

Agreed, but the hard stuff, like maneuvering busy parking lots, is the stuff retirees and computers both struggle to get right. 

Literally, at least thirty grand more than I'd ever think about tossing at this thing. Junkyard engine from a fairly high mileage srt8? Plus it's been painted by maaco?! Sign me up...said nobody ever. 

Meh styling and a price tag ($39k with options) that was too much for a Kia in 2009, killed a competent, but not impressive for the cost, SUV.

Your praise for terrible cars that shouldn’t exist, combined with your loathing for anything decent, combined with the history of cars you’ve presumably willingly purchased, makes me think you have not found your dream job.

These terrible afterthought cup holders were my favorite way to spill coffee on my stereo in my 350z.

Oh, I remember my first race camp like it was yesterday....drifting an xj220 around the streets of Paris they closed for us. Really magical. Hard to believe I was only 7. Well, now that I’m 13, it’s hard to believe I'm going to be in charge of the racing division of my uncle's Ferrari dealerships. Life goes so fast,…

If it makes you feel any better, I’m equally CP on this LS for $14k if it were super clean and bone stock. Even if it had half the miles, still CP at $14k.

Dude’s got an $80 grand budget, wants fun, luxurious, and comfortable, and he couldn’t come up with amg on his own? And he was test driving Mazdas? Something's not adding up... 

She appreciates the ritual and tradition of a sushi dinner? She means getting it from a street stand and eating it on a corner while standing, right? Or does she not really know the "ritual and tradition"? 

A “legitimate restaurant critic” is just a yelper who’s opinion is easier to buy. Not that Yelp, that’s happy to fill its pages with fake reviews and actively hide the real ones, is any more legitimate.

Isn't all this complaining fixable in under 5 minutes with any cheap tuner? 

Didn't it?.... 

As long as you say “world’s fastest, best handling rwd minivan“ I think that’s fair.

Did I just read a whole Tesla article on jalopnik without a “Tesla sucks” paragraph or two? Wait, there's plenty of it in the comments. Nevermind. Enjoy your bro-dozer-brown-volvos. 

Sounds like you haven’t spoken to a car salesman in awhile. You expect them to have any idea what torque is? (thought I’d say Newton meters, right?) You're lucky if you get a guy that can explain the warranty...or sometimes just know how to turn the radio on. 

Perfect example of “not everything old is collectible.” It was an okay car in ‘91, nothing special. It’s not waaaay too much money, but if you’re just looking for reliable transportation, which is all this car ever was and now, at 160k and nearly 30 years old it ceases to be, you can surely do better with your $4k.…

I'd say you're right except people that break into cars are usually kids or absolute idiots, or most frequently, both. 

It’s raised, has a done by hand mismatched paint-job, 171k on the clock, and a $50 light bar. What other red flags are you looking for?