Super impressive just how much of a dumbfuck Avenatti is. His “schemes” mainly consist of wearing a big ass sign around his neck that reads “DOING CRIMES LOL”. 

@MichaelAvenatti is one of two accounts that has me blocked on Twitter. The other?

MLB - “We’re totally against anything racist, suspensions all around!”

Also MLB - “This week on Sunday Night Baseball: Braves at Indians!”

On behalf of countries who are routinely blown apart every other week, many due to the Petyr Baelish School of American Foreign Policy, I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that about other countries and 9/11. Tragedies happen everywhere and they suck everywhere; we just had to AmericanExceptionalism(tm) ours into “OUR…

“Anyway, “God Bless America” sucks in general and should be replaced with a better song.”

But there’s a case to be made that guys like Albies are signing these contracts *because* of the market that Keuchel and Kimbrel are sitting through right now. They’re taking less than they would have made on the open market 5 years ago to ensure that they don’t have to actually put up with the volatility of that…

NBA will drug test him too to show solidarity between the leagues.

Here are some guys the NFL is going to drug test soon:

Yep, these are men who know that double dongs are the key to Deadspin immortality:

Well, she kind of had to. Otherwise it would have been the little girl and Giannis from the waist down, which would be some strange cropping. Would have been funny to watch her try and back up out of the room to get it in landscape though.

20 seconds in when Giannis gets up to hug the girl, the one cop gets all jittery like he’s going to have to shoot someone.

I’m just not sure that there are enough armed cops at that obviously volatile event.

He made that little girl cry!  What an asshole!

Caught living rent-free in Rob Manfred’s head and summarily evicted.

Placed on the DL for not even being mad, actually laughing too hard.

Gets suspended for posting throw back jersey photo that’s just him in a white robe.

wears Chief Wahoo mask in dugout because “protesters are the real racists”

Suspended for refusing to pay equipment fine on free speech grounds after drawing Pepe the Frog on his cleats

While I understand on a intellectual level why its objectively a good thing to have pain, all I can think of is if this poor woman somehow manages to have something done that corrects this and then the first time she stubs her toe be like ‘Aye, ye fuckin’ wee cunts, ah dinna new it wah gunna feel like this. ah wanna…

me too