Ugly-cute shoes are my jam, but I can’t really justify them anymore, since they tend not to be office-appropriate. My last purchase was a chunky-heeled monstrosity with a giant buckle that closed over the laces near the top of the vamp. They looked like someone put “every possible thing a shoe can have” on one pair,…

I am completely unable to purchase liquid detergent without it slopping, dripping, leaking, or spilling everywhere. Powder or GTFO.

I don’t even use bumper stickers when I’m told I have to. I got multiple tickets on campus for putting my commuter tag in the rear window instead of on the left rear bumper. You’re going to charge me tens of thousands in tuition and make it official policy to force me to fuck up my paint, too? Nah.

Our neighborhood originally used unregulated well water, so the older homes have giant water heaters (because why not if it’s free, I guess). When we needed ours replaced, we found out that the regulatory changes in the 2015 Conservation Act made for a lot of headaches. There are stricter size limits, dimensional…

I swear it takes about five minutes for the hot water to start. I’m not going to stand in there chattering and turning blue, FFS.

Agreed. Removeable showerheads not only improved my hair, but also my skin. When I started flipping my head upside down to rinse, my problems with bacne disappeared within a week. Apparently the heavy conditioner running down my back was clogging my pores.

I assume it will smell like clone stamping and spot healing brushes.

My company keeps doing interview after interview, the applicants reject the offers, and management throws their hands in the air as if they can’t fathom what’s going on. They joke that someone must have told a bad joke during lunch, or maybe the applicant didn’t like the HR guy’s tie. No, dipshits, you pay crap.

I think artificial insemination is like three grand.

I was fine until you got to eyeballs. Cannot deal with eyeballs.

Apropos of nothing, I really really wanted a Chris Cornell Jesus Christ Superstar.

Read this as “weird dentists” the first time and was like Intriguing, go on...

At most (small family-owned) places I worked, you needed a manager swipe to input any kind of discounts. So, not knowing I had a coupon coming until the end of the meal meant not only running back and re-printing the bill, but having to quickly find a free manager to run their card for me beforehand.

“I moved to be with family.” That tells them what they want to know (it wasn’t a flaky whim, you’re motivated to stay, you have a support network) but doesn’t share the details.

Beauty thread!

That’s just asking for fate to step in with a disfiguring car accident.

I have the opposite problem. I put way too much money into old rust buckets, because replacing cars is a pain in the ass and I fall down a hole of sunk-cost idiocy.

I still write checks, because I live in a hillbilly wasteland where the utility companies charge you for electronic payments.

Michelle, as a journalist who doesn’t know what the fuck a misplaced modifier is, how big were your tits in 1983?

ALL THE NIGHTMARES. ALL OF THEM.