I’m sheltered as shit and even I know that 4:20 is not hoagie time. 4:25 or 4:30, perhaps, depending on fervently you inhale.

I was just in a meeting with someone who had 1,883 unread. I could barely pay attention to the actual presentation.

I need that Wrangler so I can out-bro the bro-iest of bros around here. I can almost taste the looks of dismay as I pummel open the door with a battering ram and rappel down from the driver’s seat.

Luigi and Sarge.

Also see the bragplaining epidemiologist, who does all that while also lecturing you that he was contagious long before symptoms showed, and thus shouldn’t bother staying home, since the damage was already done.

Location. They’re everywhere, and the better options like credit unions often have limited access. The credit union near me that wins those “local favorite” awards is nowhere near any of the bus routes.

I vaguely remember it being a big deal that Drew Barrymore wore a thrift store slip dress to one show, but it was during the height of grunge and people lauded her for being cool and anti-establishment.

I was kinda hoping it was an obscene novelty apron, but yours is better.

I don’t have an Instant Pot, but I do have experience with gaskets on regular crockpots. My mom taught me that before using the crockpot for something particularly fragrant (like onions) or staining (like tomato sauce), I should coat the gasket with a thin layer of cooking oil before assembling the pot. It seems to…

At two different tables on the same night, I was berated by a customer for not clearing until everyone was finished, and then for clearing before everyone was finished. People just want a reason to bitch and to leave shitty tips. That was the beginning of the end of me giving a shit about trying to please customers.

Maybe just go ahead and amend your CV to add “increased body fat percentage of loyal readers by an average of 8% over less than six months”.

I may or may not have gotten Baptist church “lady’s club” chains intended for my e-mail clone. I may or may not have responded using phrasing commonly associated with the practice of Wicca.

OMG, the TMI is insane.

For a couple of years I’ve been getting professional mail intended for a woman with my name, and I’ve sent a polite, detailed correction multiple times. It wasn’t hard; I can find this lady easily with eight seconds on Google.

You brilliant bastard.

I use Whirlpool dishwasher clips, like these. They don’t bend very far so they’re best for lids, but they stay tight even in the super harsh sanitary mode.

Whirlpool makes actual clips for the dishwasher that snap in and out pretty easily, like these. I bought a bunch (but not from WalMart) and like them.

What I do is find a way to quantify a lack of spending, in the same way I would track actual spending. Otherwise the inaction (not buying something) remains too murky and intangible for me to feel like I accomplished anything. It can be done the same way you would track your spending. Ex:

This term is new to me, but that’s because I’m a trash hillbilly who thinks driveways with loose stones are fancy and driveways with blacktop are for billionaires.

Team Cat all day. I remember boycotting Alf because he ate cats, though boycotting the show for sucking was also a valid life choice.