My husband once found an empty plate and fork sitting on the toilet tank in a bathroom at work. There were pie crumbs on the plate. This stood out to us because there was a comedy group called The Frantics that did a skit called “a piece of pie” and he thought someone was just pranking him. Oh here’s the skit.

Show offs

because college education makes you smart enough to stay away from abusive people, yaaaa logic,

How to mansplain and be a cruel horrible person.

Does that mean in two years when I’m being handed my phd, my memories of being assaulted by men will be magically replaced with new memories in which I pet kittens with philosophers? Because that would sure make nighttime public transit less of an anxiety crap shoot.

So THAT’S why so many assaults happen in high school and college! Once you get your advanced degree though, you’re safe

OK, Bud. Actually, people who don’t know what they’re talking about should be more susceptible to shutting the fuck up.

I always find it a bit strange when at work I see men bringing in the paper to the bathroom. It’s like you have a sign on you saying I’m going to be busy next few mins taking a shit.

My god that made me burst out laughing like the immature twerp I am.

This is what was so weird! Like yes, if I’m at home in th middle of a marathon phone convo with my mom, whatever. I’ll at least give her the courtesy of holding the phone out the door while I flush.

We have little shelves in the stalls at work for setting your purse or tampons or whatever. One of them has a ring from a drink on it.

I recently had to go to an out of town training deal with one of my co-workers. We had a bathroom break, which I used to eff around on my phone while she went to use the facilities.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO

That is truly horrifying.

I had some woman tell me she dropped her sunglasses in the toilet. I had to fish them out of her poop. I double gloved. I left early b/c I felt I deserved it and no matter how much I washed my hands, did not feel clean enough to handle people’s food.

WIN

I get really annoyed with that and all of the people who peek in and don’t just flush it. I mean, I’ll back right out of it’s really gross, but you can’t just preflush a little bit of pee even?

HURRRRK

I’m related to people who have done that. Jesus rollerblading Christ, when I was a toddler I knew not to eat where I shit!

Think I’m going to barf.