False equivalence. You won’t hear any Democrats behaving like this. Trump is better at the shit-hurling theatrics than the rest of the GOP, but they’re all reading from the same playbook. The race to out-clown and out-racist and out-sexist each other? No no, that’s most definitely a conservative thing.

It’s not at all, this man has never lived in a fire-prone area except I suppose his pants

Honestly, his brother is probably worse, and came second in the mayoralty race last year. That makes me want to punch each and every idiot who voted for him...

I’m still not over the sheer punchability of Justin Bieber’s stupid face. He hang out there much?

I would enjoy that, too, but I must admit that I assume she does not give a rodent’s patootie about this lipless jerk wad.

Adam Levine definitely gets Axe because every boy I went to high school with would have killed to be Adam Levine.

I’d have gone with “Axe Body Spray” but that may be reserved for Adam Levine.

She’s only 18 years younger than him. I would have sworn he’s at least 46.

Oh, chop off my toe! I’m going to give Rand Paul the spanking I can tell he has always wanted.

I volunteer to be the one friend responsible for never letting her glass be empty and validating her hotness/general superiority while making cradle-robbing jokes.

That Miles Teller article is so cathartic to read. You can feel the author’s contempt seeping out of every sentence. I don’t care one way or another about him, but I can think of specific people throughout life that I would have given anything to burn with that tone on that scale.

Oh god, wouldn’t you? I can hear the cackles from here. Patton must be hooting with delighted schadenfreude.

I’d love to be present for the wine-fueled snarkfest Paula Patton is surely having right now.

I see what you did there, heh-heh

EWOKS are everything

I’m imagining him spending all few days of the “marriage” whining about “the one that got away,” until she finally realizes her mistake and fucks off too.

and she has accepted his offer of marriage!

...and here’s how they met.

“Cloud of Drakkar Noir Robin Thicke”

eating a salad as a full meal is like eating whispers