Yeah, me too. Now I just want to punch the guy in the throat for disappointing me.

Well, it probably doesn't ask you why dinner's not ready or poke you in the back in the middle of the night while asking "Honey. HONEY. You awake?"

Brought to you by the same guys who go through the alphabet with their tongues during oral.

Let's not be hasty. Some of us will take what we can get.

"1) Using a wet tampon for vaginal penetration

"Where does this study get off?" Oh please. That is not the vital question here. "Where can I sign up as a test subject?" is more to the point.

Fabulous.

Thanks: what a relief! Any word on when the scratch and sniff tour t-shirts will be ready?

He'll get his in prison. Fact of life.

Let's do it! I hope you haven't already printed the posters because we've renamed the band. My boyfriend was getting a bit tiresome about all the time I was spending in rehearsals so in order to shut him up, I'm naming the band after him.

Ooo! Can my band open for you guys? It would make an awesome double bill: "Itchy Anus and the Inflamed Vulva with special guests Suppurating Ass Sores and the Dick Cheese Dischargers."

I think staying with someone because you both have gonorrhoea is a pretty hasty move you may well live to regret. I think you should start off with chlamydia and see how that works out before committing to something so permanent.

Damn. I guess I'm the one responsible for screwing up the bell curve.

Another helpful tip: if, when he sits down on your couch, he renders the entire block radioactive, you should probably pass.

Oh come ON. Everybody knows that the real truth is that people never have sex INSIDE of marriage.

Given the fact that I've dated some frightening apelike howlers in my day, I think I'll just stick with a blindfold.

Checking for weeping dick sores prior to using the condom is also helpful. And those three little words sometimes spoken prior to sex? Yeah, in this case those would be "What's that smell?"

Have you thought about crowd funding this venture? I'd certainly chip in.

Clearly, you were not raised Irish Catholic, Mike. Pfft! The government! They're amateurs. I'm way more afraid of my sweet Catholic mother and my horrible, black little soul.

Please send me the link to the sexbox site at your earliest convenience. Money is no object. An electronic good time seems the only option I've got left.