“Grown-ass-woman-who-doesn’t-do-anything-useful” works but it’s too long for captions.

People like her make me want to curl up in my bed and never get out again.... Or shoot them. But at least she would know it’s not about race - because racism doesn’t exist - it’s just because she’s a cunt.

Carbon-based perhaps, but sentient? Not so much.

Finally I get to start putting “fuck wit” back to use.

The real joke is that anyone would want to sleep with DiCaprio.

My heart goes out to this woman. This is like her daughter was raped by both the rapist and the school.

Finger sandwiches. SO many **Sighs** for that. I think we can make this happen as long as we don't cross state lines.

For the real. Next Star cover will be “Bobby Finger Kidnapped by Deranged Fan for Awesome Tea Party”.

Wish Trump would run with this guy so we could watch Women for Trump scrambling to make this douche sound acceptable.

It’s easy to stay healthy when you suck on the blood of young babies in the glistening pink and gold marble bowels of your midtown terror tower.

Don’t worry Trump I got this - This is rigged!! This is inaccurate!! Nuh uh!! I know you are but what am I?! I’m rubber you’re glue! The Blacks! The Mexicans! The Muslims! Yo momma!

Oh god. This was the first thing on my phone this morning. Somehow you made waking up with kids at 4:30 in the morning even more horrible.

Absolutely. She was being kind.

Now can we just admit that Hillary’s “deplorables” line was just a statement of fact.

According to some recent poll there are people who identify themselves as Evangelicals but who rarely, if ever, go to Church. Like the Clan, only they go to church less. Maybe this was that group.

Jason Aldean translation: I don’t give a shit how you people feel so fuck you.

Can Beiber and Richie just go work at their local ice cream shop and stop pretending to have jobs like ‘model’ and ‘adult’.

I’m making my kids watch this the second they enter kindergarten and maybe every day until the get out of the hell that is high school. Muchas Gracias.

SuperGloop for my face! It doesn’t leave an ashy finish. Is great as a stand alone facial moisturizer and it’s never made me break out. It’s awesome.

Law enforcement needs to understand that, “Welp, we made a mistake.” Is not an acceptable response to their fuck ups.