And the thrifty prepaid users once again rule the day.

Interviewer: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

The pilot ended up flying for TBS after the Leno lead-in caused too much turbulence.

It’s true. Dr. Pepper gave me a covid vaccine and it made me artistic. Now all I can do is create mosaics of Hillary using scraps from PBS tote bags purchased by viewers like me.

They’ve also decided to rebrand the overflowing toilets as an indoor log flume ride.

Our reward isn’t free shit, it’s the antibodies we made along the way.

Since you were given the top trim at $40k, how does it compare to a TRD Off-Road Tacoma? The little voice in my head has been screaming “just get the damn Taco” once I learned the MPG and pricing for the Santa Cruz.

This is one Hilux away from a drone strike.

And then everyone can spend the rest of the vacation arguing over who shot first.

There is a pool, but it gets crowded quickly.

Somebody pressed Z without checking which engines were still active.

This is why the 727 needs to make a comeback. Unruly passengers can get D. B. Coopered out the back and everyone else can enjoy their fun size ginger ale in peace.

I don't think the representative for Glenwood Springs can read.

Only if someone drills a few holes in it first.

If the computers are so secure, how come all of the keyboards have a Q on them?

And nothing of value was lost.

Am I so out of touch? No, it’s the customers who are wrong.

Polly wanted a cracker, and Polly is going to get that cracker.

Yes, the planet got destroyed. But for a beautiful moment in time a billionaire could experience weightlessness while taking a dump in a shop vac.

Three billion fish lives ended on August 29, 1997. The survivors of the saline fire called the war Judgment Day. They lived only to face a new nightmare, a war against the motorcycles.