That’s his military dress uniform for the war on Christmas.

Literally shooting the breeze.

As much as this bums me out, at least it means I can finally slap a Warren sticker on my car. Any combination of Warren/Sanders/Inslee would give me some hope that we're not totally screwed.

Season 14 is where the last remaining trace elements of magic disappear. Overly generous? Probably, but I’m from the Learn to Fart state where winners get a hotplate.

No tears for them.

I regret to inform you that we have selected other candidates for the general manager role. The Arby’s corporation takes pride in it’s work and it would be irresponsible for us to hire an individual which *lowers glasses* does not have the meats.

White Claw is La Croix for alcoholics.

a top-shelf 2019-era nation like our own beloved United States

These carpool lanes are getting ridiculous.

As a millennial with no kids and is stuck renting, I’m only just now crawling out of the smoking crater left by the last recession.

Distinguished high school science teacher Mark Wahlberg warned us years ago. We should have listened.

Toyota had to ground the Camry a few years ago. They were literally filling parking lots with them.

This will save Audi millions on dealership service shuttles.

Why not all three? Deputy Karen can get you some sweet financing on that crack.

Orange Man Full of Shit

Why stop with cars? I envision a 100% eel powered society by 2035.

The bat posted a status update once it was able to deplane:

Shatner takes whatever Enterprise has ready.

If this is the kind of article it takes to get people to pay attention to him, so be it.