So, I guess we’re going with glitter and Ex-Lax for Biden.

Option 1: Do nothing and end up in concentration camps when they run out of brown people scapegoat. People finally freak out, martial law is declared. Climate change kills everyone.

Can we just fucking riot already? I don’t want guillotines, I want Elon Musk orbital velocity self sharpening guillotines with built in flame throwers.

Toyota had to ground the Camry a few years ago. They were literally filling parking lots with them.

This will save Audi millions on dealership service shuttles.

Why not all three? Deputy Karen can get you some sweet financing on that crack.

Orange Man Full of Shit

Why stop with cars? I envision a 100% eel powered society by 2035.

The bat posted a status update once it was able to deplane:

Because after he saw the aliens someone used one of those flashy things from Men In Black on him.

Shatner takes whatever Enterprise has ready.

If this is the kind of article it takes to get people to pay attention to him, so be it.

Unfortunately this virus only infects people with brains.

“I can’t believe it’s not butter!”

Future Headline: Florida Man Loses Focus in Attempt to Sub One Addiction for Another

Florida decided to franchise out it’s brand of crazy to other states in order to pay for it’s meth and Publix sub addictions.

The key to stress free air travel is to alpaca light.

Any day now...