You have been profoundly misinformed.

Toyota really needs to step it up when it comes to the Tacoma’s fuel economy and offer a hybrid version. The extra range and torque would just be icing on the cake.

Nothing beats flying across the country on a train.

I’d say this sums up the last month or so pretty well.

It’s the most badass Shriners parade ever!

*Offer not available to federal employees. Your mileage may vary. Unprofessional president on closed golf course.

Counterpoint:

Drivers of advanced age require an equally advanced vehicle. In response to this need, the United States created the powder blue Cadillac Seville with Perma-Blinker™ and farmer's market auto-targeting.

I can't wait to try the Peanut Encrusted Tray Table with Diet Coke Reduction!

I assume there's a salvage title in the box since something obviously happened to that front end.

The skinny ass wouldn’t get wedged in the door, condemning everyone to a fiery death.

We joke now, but it's no laughing matter when the last thing you see is faded Tweety Bird sweatpants stretched across someone's fat ass as they get wedged in the emergency exit.

Buying any Maxima automatically makes you a villain.

Looks like Teslas will need to be towed by shops specializing in hot takes, with arrangements to send them back to the factory for repairs.

Electric cars will use George Foreman grills.

All vehicles must pass through a Toll House because that chipseal cost 100 Grand.

It needs to have an appropriately Silicon Valley title.