Seeing as how the balanced breakfast program just created a generation of ultra-strong super criminals and midnight basketball taught them to function without sleep... we might want to reconsider giving them access to high performance vehicles.

Neutral: A comfortable bed and a hot plate. Stocked with as much Government Cheese as possible.

Yes, the elusive Goodyear Integrity. Hard to believe only four were ever made.

THIS! I hate passing on two lane roads because it always turns into some kind of pissing match.

Some broad gets on there with a staticky sweater and, boom, it’s “oh, the humanity!”

The focus groups decided against it and marketing told us millennials hate vowels.

The little bird was brutally tackled/beaten because the flight was overbooked. It is now on the no-fly list after a lengthy strip search.

Accounting: “Take your pie in the sky hippie crap and stow-and-go it way up your ass.

Portrait of the Designer:

All we are is rust in the wind.

“It’s your kids, John. Something’s gotta be built to seat your kids.”

Whale oil can't melt iron beams!

A Lexus? On the high seas? This can only end one way.

These new Cosby Mysteries have really taken a dark turn.

Elon: There are three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Elon Musk way.

What about fines related to flying jars of urine?

We at Nissan want a car with attitude. It’s edgy, it’s “in your face.” You’ve heard the expression, “let’s get busy”? Well, this is a car that gets “biz-zay!” Consistently and thoroughly.

They tried to upgrade him to a full size vehicle at the rental counter, but he was having Nun of it.

They were showing The Horse Whisperer.

So what you're saying is that all Mustangs leaving cars and coffee events are driven by bears.