I actually thought that was you when I checked a while ago.

I wish Louis CK was more active on Twitter. It's such a good medium for jokes. Norm MacDonald held out forever like he thought it was dumb. Now he's out of control.

That @JennyJohnsonHi5 is freaking hilarious. Who the hell is that?

Twitter DUAN

So we're all in agreement that James is actually a strip-club DJ right?

Boomerang Dong!

He was known to associate with this man.

When officials arrived at Lindsay's home they found her, "watching her 3-D TV, reading scripts and posing for tabloid photographs on her rooftop patio."

Edited for having too negative a view of human nature.

Yes, but what's really in a name Erin?

Lord knows if you want to create a show dudes will love you cast Breckin Meyer and Zach Morris in it.

Carolyne Heldman looks like a hot chick as drawn by Bill Plympton.

Sure the smile says "I'm going to drug your cocktail then painstakingly dismember you," but the hat says "Hey, I'm at the ballgame!"

David if you start seeing the sewer drains glow an eerie color and then see a deranged clown strutting around, it's not the DTs. It just means an interdimensional predator has come to feed on you. So the spiders are really just manifestations of this evil creature and its continuing exploitation and projection of…

Bet that little bitch regrets leaving B612 on the comet that took him to Paris.

Actually, if you're a Philly fan, it's just natural instinct to immediately launch whatever projectile you get your hands on.

Sei con me, pelle.

An awesome last name I saw yesterday was Squadron.

I believe what you're looking for might be along these lines:

You know! The one who's always walking and talking!