I'm chuckling at the thought of the Deadspin staff returning from a long weekend to find the place overrun with insane approved commenters.

I thought you just wanted to spend the long weekend on your peninsula.

When Caroline said she would "freak the f out on him," I thought she meant like, with a knife or something.

Apparently Gus Johnson's Cardiologist asked the hooker in the lobby for a "Javon Walker."

I may have read too much into your brief comments about him but I thought the tone you took was that he was overhyped and overexposed. I believe the term "sports unicorn" has been thrown around.

Great. All I could think about after Rose's failures last night was Craggs and Cowherd, arm in arm, toasting to his demise.

Sorry about your dog.

1. Cowherd

+1

Meanwhile the Kansas City Chiefs intend to replace the cherry-red IROC Camaro Todd Haley just lost to a tornado.

Not only will I be rocking shorts all summer, there'll be so much Gold Bond Powder I'll be doing rails of it.

Might I suggest a non-porous surface in the back that you can rinse out with a hose and scrub down with bleach? Because if you're going to be doing all that work, you might want to eat/drink in there, and spills are likely. Getting those out of carpet is a real chore.

That's a good question. I should find out what the effects of the probate process are on commenting stars.

Sure you did. The way I see it, you starred commenters are all terrible people possessing none of the milk of human kindness, whereas the unapproved/unstarred really cared about my well-being.

I'd like to take this DUAN opportunity to publicly apologize for a comment I made earlier this week in which I contemplated suicide, which was supposed to have the effect of illuminating the bravery and positive attitude of the kid who got his leg attached backwards so he could play ball again by putting our own…

One of the featured family members is Shawn's twin sister Shawnett

In a way, LeBron is basketball's Drake

Chris Berman eats ass

Qatar paid FIFA executives Issa Hayatou from Cameroon and Jacques Anouma from Ivory Coast $1.5 million each for their 2022 World Cup votes

+1 nose bandage