Are those leeches? Apparently Theodoric of York is the Patriots team doctor.

Yikes! That's what you get for trying to wash your jerseys in the Cuyahoga River.

those things include "I Just Called To Say I Love You,"

In response, Ashley Lelie stated "I ain't no glamour boy - I'm fierce!"

Do the truffle shuffle or you can't coach D-I football again! Do it!

bland banana-in-the-tailpipe dude

@twoeightnine: +1

Brown says James was concerned about a "stalker" leaving notes on his 2000 Ford Mustang,

Colin Cowherd wants to know who this guy's father is.

Man, this first submission to the Black Friday shopping horror stories is going to be hard to top.

If I wasn't in the front of the line, and the judge didn't immediately release me when I got in front of her

@dogcow: She's one of a handful of people on the planet with the drive, tenacity and determination to train and race hard enough to win an Olympic gold medal. Yet the tone of this post seems to suggest that she's actually completely helpless and unable to make decisions for herself.

Next stop for Jeff? Official mascot of the 2012 European Football Championship.

It comes out to 666.66666666667. I'm doomed, right?

I'd never break out of jail and would spend the rest of my life raped thrice daily.

Speaking of colon blows, as an aside I'd like to thank the dude who sent me the spectacular photo of his two-toned shit not 10 minutes after it was announced that I'd be filling in. Always good to have a .jpg like that at the ready.

Cowherd's screeching rants sound like what would happen if you took the most negative, know-it-all, conspiracy-minded stoner you know, fed him 20 Red Bull and vodkas, put his balls in a vice, made him watch sports and teams he hated for ten hours in a row while never giving him the chance to take a piss, then…

I much prefer the screwed and chopped remix of the interview, featuring Bun B and Chamillionaire.

Why all the hate for Joe Buck? Who could forget his famous call from the Miracle on Ice??

I play hide and seek with my kid all the time. I go hide in the closet (symbolic!), and if she can't find me, then that means a solid five minute of DADDY ALONE TIME. I can just hang out there in the dark, with no one asking me to do shit. It's AWESOME.