That's the first time I've seen an expiration date on a t-shirt.

It's funny how everytime dudes walk around shirtless, there's always some pale, scrawny guy I wouldn't fuck if he was the last man on earth out there to call it "homoerotic."

If the baby is a boy, it will mark the first time a hospital has had to keep a rape kit on hand in the maternity ward.

Why don't we round up 51% of potential voters, pool our money and put a few billion on Laura Bush at 1000/1. Make sure everyone gets to the polls and whambam we collect trillions of dollars. Deficit gone, economy stimulated, health care for everyone, a Porsche in every driveway and we can invade a different country…

In gambling, there are no rules besides the ones posted on the casino wall.

"I mean, at no point in my life had I imagined that one day I would get punched in the face by a vagina"

I'm looking forward to the next Simmons article, in which he explains how he absolutely knew this would happen ("it was obvious and Pats fans knew it but we just couldn't admit it to ourselves"), even though he picked the Pats to win 24-16. Which he did only because he was trying to put some bizarre quadruple jinx on…

The night after that picture was taken, Charlie would ruin a pretty happening party by attempting to fondue an entire blueberry pie.

"everyone's favorite bit of coded language"

I believe #6 is referred to as "Spy vs. Spy dong."

Tell me someone remembers a movie called "Valentina" that aired on Showtime back in the day. I can't find any trace of this show existing, but I'm positive that was the name. The plot made no sense, it was badly dubbed from Italian and the title character was naked at least 75% of the movie.

@Juancho: I think he's talking about the porn spoof of the movie Tron.

Was the invitation to Antawn Jamison's event shaped like a bicep? Because that's very manly.

I assume that's what Drew's hand looks like.

I think a cool movie would be Erin Andrews dating someone she thinks is a real stand-up guy who doesn't seem awed by her celebrity. He has to rush out of the apartment one night, and leaves his computer on. She gets curious, looks at the computer and recoils in horror as she realizes he's actually a starred Deadspin…

Elin was a reluctant swimsuit model in her late teens, apparently more interested in becoming a child psychologist.

If you don't mind, I'd rather not relive it. Don't much feel like talking about it. In fact, all I really feel like doing is getting the fuck out of this town.

Quarterbacks. Irish. Browns. Sacramone. It all connects! [highDEAS.com]

@MarkKelsosMigraine: Yeah, to 7734 with that!

Pretending there's no beef is always the first step. The final step involves someone dying in a hail of gunfire on the street outside Hot 97.