@Killjoy: One of my best friends and favorite people is a cop. He carries an extra knife in his cruiser (on the advice of his training officer) for the sole purpose of using it as a plant in case of an accidental shooting of an unarmed suspect. He was hired to replace a cop that was fired because, while on D.A.R.E…

I guess this means we already know who this is?

I filed copyrights and patents for insanity, jackassery, and crazy, evil villain type plots. By the time I'm done suing this lady I'll own the sun. Then I'll donate it Angelina Jolie.

@ivan-the-terrible: If you're the kind of person that would hook a computer to your TV, you probably have a smart phone. Plus, getting a smart phone that enabled you to use your computer on your TV is cheaper than getting Google TV.

She's supporting the team, but there's very little supporting her. Except, of course, for various plastics and fluids. Here's hoping she caught those beads she was signaling for.

His Wiki entry needs editing. Riley predicted: "A lot of players want the discipline; they will play [hard] for Spoelstra, because 'they respect him.'"

The worst part about this video for Spoelstra? He had to edit it.

@Len Bias Cocaine Surplus: This was obviously an inspired bit of self sabotage in order to motivate himself to move out of Idaho and pursue his dream. International Beastiality star. So he can literally screw the pooch in front of the world.

This video just needs an Otamatone and some Paper Jamz!

I approve!

@Jose Antonio Villaro Matute: The one on the far left is obviously their mom. They were just walking home from the store after she finally caved and bought them this thing she clearly doesn't understand and people started taking pictures.

/golly, I wish the trees would kill M. Night's career. Lord knows he's been trying. and yet it lingers. and we all watch. Consoling each other. promising it will be for the best when it's finally over. Just remember the good year.

@Billybird: Now THAT'S The Happening.

Marc Maron talked about this on his podcast not long ago. He also opted for the groping. I'm just going to avoid flying until my jetpack is complete. Until then it's all road trips in the Family Truckster.

Wouldn't washing down an oxycodone with a vodka/5hour energy shot be more efficient?

@beercheck: Had to cancel a credit card just to stop the ridiculous "you were billed already for this month so call back at the end of the month" cycle.

I never deleted my Myspace account. I haven't visited it in years, but in order to delete it I'd have to give them my new email address. I just left it as a monument to the time in my life I cared about what my ex-girlfriends were up to. Turns out, not much.

@David Stern but Fair: I was contemplating writing a novel about the jackassery that is ESPN and all the mediocre talent that feels entitled simply because they work for that bastion of lowest common denominator, ratings justify everything even if people listen just to hate you, would be better if they just played…

working title "Death of an Incredibly Successful Salesman Who Gets It"

@Rabid Penguin: on the plus side, you have another option for your avatar (I apologize for the fuzziness)