I'm going to (assumption warning!) assume since there isn't a "new" iPod Touch (just a new color), there isn't an "old" iPod Touch to discount

He needed the porn in order to finish placing his order for DNA-based home furnishings

They've been decorating hotel rooms with DNA for centuries.

it's $99

While I am disgusted by this breach of trust and privacy, I am furiously masturbating to that audio clip. So I may be biased.

The Loneliest Island

She was humming this during the entire Dirk interview.

" Fussball Schlampes defeat Ghetto Booty"

if you're on twitter, follow @queuenoodle . Updates on expiration dates

Windows 8 isn't the code name, it's just not the official name.

"they" already have all of our info. they took it

My dogs are going to be disappointed when they find out All Dogs Go To Heaven was just a movie and not a promise.

"Needs sparkles"

Dan Snyder preys every night before bed.

Dan Snyder claims to collect antiques but the only thing in his massive collection are painstakingly restored lawn jockeys.

Dan Snyder was the last person to inspect the blow-out preventer on the Deepwater Horizon

Dan Snyder visits children's burn units just to complain about his day.

Dan Snyder thinks Tiny Wings is a cover band featuring a miniature Paul McCartney impersonator.

Sports are the only thing getting higher ratings so the only logical thing the networks can do is make shows about people that watch sports for a living, make us all hate ourselves and sports and then we'll get fatter and dumber and want to watch a Tyler Perry production of Two And 1/2 Men too starring Jon Cryer…

[en.wikipedia.org]