Second shittiest ride ever

I was talking to an old man the other day who was bemused and baffled that his neighbor used peanut shells for mulch. He also didn't know it was Columbus Day because his paper didn't tell him. This would blow his damn mind. And only his.

I was raised Catholic. And like all good Catholics, I don't believe a fucking word this guy says. Maybe that's his excuse for turning a blind eye to child molestation for all these years. The poor dumb kids were confusing real life spent with great religious men with that time they played Leisure Suit Larry

@A.Jaswal: In the Pope's reality, if you do assassinate someone, there's a good chance they can be resurrected.

@shooga: That penetration better be of the one man/one woman/matrimonial/procreation sort.

But the only place I attend church is in Second Life. At least the Jesus on there responds to my messages.

@Unholy_Hero: Your engaged? Well that Zune won't be the last thing you enjoy that she takes from you.

@Myklsan: Jailbreak, install Anyring, record yourself saying "stupid Apple". Set as SMS tone. Customization and private, yet satisfactory F@$% You, Fruit Overlord accomplished.

@Unholy_Hero: Can't you just, like, break up with her and ask for your stuff back? That promise ring, the ticket stubs for The Notebook, and the Zune? And don't forget the black T-shirt.

I'm just glad they caught him before he killed a hooker and started shooting at helicopters with his rocket launcher.

I would pay $50 for The Unmaking of Star Wars: Episodes I, II and III

So was cloud city made of Sleep Number or Memory Foam?

@sweatingmullets: If she doesn't cry when Stephen A. Smiff is on, AJ doesn't stand a chance.

I'm just old enough to still be amazed they can put shit like this on a phone.

If the papers don't report it, how the hell else is The Artist Formerly and Currently Known as Prince supposed to find out? And What would he do?WWTAFACKAPD

the snakes boost reception for Sky Mall 4G

The Sky Mall app enables 4G roaming much like the Handy Light enabled tethering. The future is now, and it's being pressed into your knees by the guy in front of you.

Lil Wayne's favorite

According to Google translate Scion is Japanese for Saturn.

@jedchev: wouldn't a Chevy Volt be somewhere in between those two options (closer to the former)?