I once took on a African Dust Mega Mix with glo-sick and a headband.

Thank you, Monsanto. Your crops are invasive and only designed to resist the chemicals you sell with your packages of seeds. And now your business model has proven so successful and has bitch slapped our own gov't regulators so thoroughly it has enabled it to spread into other food sources faster than your mutant…

The Jets Introduced A Car Service For Players The Week Before Braylon Edwards's DUI

it would result in you starting everyday looking for a new pair of pants and trying to figure out where you where. You would spend most of the day informing people how they would feel about you if you were somehow angered. You would end every day hitchhiking while somewhere off in the distance a piano played a sad,…

@sammy baby: I may have to get one. Thanks

@KellyGee19: HA. I don't understand why you get no respect. No respect at all. This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.

I prefer my food the way God intended : Chunked, reformed and char-marked.

@discounteggroll: that would cause sterility!

@OMG! Pickles!: Looks like the iMat already has a giant penis on it

@Cosmopolitan: Then why do you call your "alone time" shuffling?

Let the penis measuring jokes begin.

@Jakooboo- Sick of the Peanut Gallery.: we have a new euphemism! hooray. The best part is my wife won't understand what I'm talking about until she decodes all the secret messages written on the guest towels.

@roninpenguin: I'm actually a vegetarian, which can get boring unless you get creative. I used the FP a month ago to make falafel and a yogurt cucumber sauce. Mostly just pasta and spinach. I am inspired to whip out the ol' cookbook though.

I'm going to pull my processor out and look at it for awhile, contemplate making something amazing, give up and put the water on to boil for my pasta. But at least I'm thinking about you, food processor.

@cubist_zirconia: I'm concerned about my PUBIC information. It's listed after my political views.

He later went on to say "using webOS would be like all those Belgian boys who shit in their pants just to have a soft place to sit. And ios is just like that website twogirlsonecup.com"

@im2fools: I'm way ahead of you. I've been using AOL123 as my password for decades

white Bostonians sleep well knowing that they got 'em surrounded.

@KamWrex: I think there's a lot we can learn from Lindsay Lohan. Her views on Surbane- Oxley and the upcoming Milner v. US Navy are quite informed. But mostly I think she could text us all directly and tell us where we can score some sticky icky.

@helloscreen: That is funny. I find you to be very funny. Then again I am sooo fucking high. I thought you were simply addicted to being a dry, humorless chump, but no, you're hilarious.