@RuckingFetard: My tour of the Jello factory had the same effect on me

@Tiger-Fever: Thank God plastic is so good for you AAND the planet

@URLyAdopter: were you on Jalopnik when you tried that. It might have been a censorship issue.

@Go Vols!: I think there is enough blame to go around. Transocean, BP, the Marshall fucking Islands. At this point, the blame is just like the shhen from these fuckers' oil spill, it might get a little thinner, but there's plenty to cover everyone.

They have run out of ideas. BP is just like a teenage boy his first time. The bottom is farther away then they thought, it's messier than they could've imagined and while the drillin' was thrillin', they had no plan for the mess and they're just reaching for whatever's in the glove compartment.

what did the league have to say about Joakim "Bong Il" Noah's pipe purchasing foray?

Jim Carrey in "The Mask 3: Enemy Mime"

@UweBollocks: My heart has already placed an order

I know we're supposed to make pithy, genius, sarcastic comments about everydamnthing. But how the fuck does one even acquire sexually explicit photos/videos of a toddler? Did this turdburglar take them? if he acquired them somewhere else is there an investigation into the source? Just like the war on drugs, punishing…

His shoes must cost a fricken nickel (0.339 CNY) over there

@Murray Hewitt: He won't let the heat approach him, he keeps it cool. Real cool

@njndirish: I believe that was one of Marbury's actual tweets

He's probably just in the back yard, hiding in the doghouse with a package of oreos, his favorite blanky and a flashlight. That's where my parents would look if they were heading this investigation.

I hope he's found in Pakistan with a crossbow and a ninja sword.

@CharlesNelsonReilly: The first that that occurred to me when I read this wasn't "how can this be used for evil?" it was "wish I had known about this before my niece ruined my , uh my daughter's, Lego Star Wars. Besides, if you're the kind of person that makes his/her $ by pirating stuff, you probably would have…

does it also fit the faux iPad?

I guess they haven't figured out the right unicorn farts : tears of a virgin ratio

@DeadBuick: Just to have a dream. my garage is full of stuff that didn't make it to storage, broken toys I'm supposed to invent ways to fix ("Maybe Buzz Lightyear doesn't want to talk to you anymore" and "you can't un-dry Play-Doh" aren't gonna get you off the hook), and two soccer mom vehicles. Don't give up(for us).

@Pew Pew BOOM: It also swallowed a large chunk of Guatemala. Never forget that large chunk of Guatemala

@angstman: Your Angst has led you to the correct path. these are meant for watching...*ominous music* US! *gasp*