Finally, a video that belongs on Deadspin.

Middle-out compression.

“In honor of all the brave men and women that don’t charge for minor dents and lingering smells.”

The AP tried to reach out to Neymar’s representatives for comment, but have not replied.

*a håland job.

If an 18-year-old says he scored nine times, it means he maaaybe got one handjob.

I am a demographer/public health person: YOU ARE SO FUCKING RIGHT AND IT DRIVES ME NUTS WHEN PEOPLE SAY “YOU AINT GOT LONG BITCH” TO SOMEONE WHO IS 77. That’s just not how if fucking works. Godammit

life expectancy in this country is around 79

Will shit himself? Oh Katherine, what do you think is happening during those five hours of “executive time” every morning? He soils himself every night while asleep. His assistants roll him out of bed and get him to the shower to hose him down. The sheets are peeled off of the plastic wrapped mattress and taken to be…

As Rytlewski writes in his 40 Oz. review, the corny stoner bros—or at least the culture these archetypal bros are standing in for—are the ones who shout cheerfully along to the chorus of “Date Rape” and, as he puts it, are “guffawing at a joke you find appalling.” Like “Date Rape” itself, this is horrific.

Seriously. If anyone needs that one year of free college, it’s someone who thinks New Zealand is in Australia. Jesus.

The Bucks are in big trouble.

welcome to the right side of history, my friend. 

I’m slowly but surely getting on the “remove instant replay in all sports” bandwagon because it fucking sucks.  No, I don’t want to hear about how you lost your money gambling.  No, I don’t want to hear about “getting it right.”  No, I don’t want you to bring up examples about how it benefited the teams I support. …

DeVos = old white lady = Teacher = Education

Some might want to laugh, but this is exactly how it went and we all know it.

It is both, like how Trump has done more than any other President and is simultaneously not allowed to do anything by Democrats.

*Slap*

What about the Jane Collective? Is that going to be resurrected? Because if someone needs me to pose as their NYC-based aunt/cousin/niece and come “visit” our lovely city (ONLY FOR TOURISM OF COURSE) I have a pullout couch and am very good at putting care packages together and lying to authority figures.

You should have asking him to solve the Ray Lewis Equation: