What can I say? I miss the days when Cadillacs had powerful names that evoked their rich history. Names like Catera, Cimarron, and Allante.

I didn’t/don’t need any convincing to buy a new CTS-V....My boss needs convincing to pay me enough money to afford a new CTS-V

The biggest unveil will be called the “Jalopnik Edition”, a brown CT4-V wagon with a manual transmission and a special system that helps it avoid being crashed into by Mustangs. 

We know what somebody’s been watching when Melania locks her door:

Arms dealer: Here is 20 MIG. Best Russian planes. What banana republic want fighter jet?

Like, it’s not even close.  The fan design is just so much better.  I feel like I’m actually looking at the character from the game.  The one on the left looks like a cheap costume an 8 year old would get at Party City.  It’s comically terrible.

Take people’s reactions to Detective Pikachu, and then take them up to eleven because the design is even more uncanny and doesn’t show the same respect to the source material. And also go to great lengths to make your trailer look like a bad knockoff. Also forget any of the other beloved animal characters, so the main…

Gangsta’s Paradise is a decidedly 90's throwback, whereas Macarena still has current cultural relevance as it still gets played at weddings. It ties in with the fact that they somehow dug up actual nineties Jim Carrey to be in the movie. 

Honestly, aside from Sonic’s design, which is kind of baffling, I think it looks like it could be pretty fun.

You may actually be onto something there... This is far too bad to not have been done on purpose.

That even would have been an easy cop out, they’re goggles!

“You get Avengers: Endgame.”

This feels like one of those movies where the cultural references are at least 5 years behind, so I’m going to say no: it’ll be Gangnam Style instead.

The same reason a Transformer had testicles and a protagonist carried a wallet-sized version of his state’s “Romeo and Juliet” law in his back pocket:

Michael Goddamned Bay.

I’m convinced everyone was high. Everyone.

Did you just “Well actually” a minor detail about the awful Sonic movie?

This is honestly the most profound evidence that God doesn't exist. Or at least any kind of benevolent one. 

UNSNAP UNSNAP RETURN IT GOD

Is this the universe balancing things after Endgame?

So it seems pretty clear that Thor Lebowski is going to be a huge Halloween costume this year, right?