Have them take away your food stamps because you're TOO unemployed. Develop an ulcer so that the only thing you can afford to eat makes it feel like you're being stabbed. Cry to drop the excess water weight!

WAIT SEE They always tell you not to pick, but you see this crazy shit happens when you leave things alone!

Man richard dawkins did ONE talk at iowa state... do we just not google very much otherwise so that blew up or what...

Normally embarrassing things are too much for me, like the Samuel Jackson and the Mike Tyson and the leering newsroom guy made me cringe, but I was in tears (of laughter) for most of this. What can I say, I like the classics; accidental swears and people falling over.

When you're fucking broke, socks are a blessing. My girlfriend's mom gave us both socks and underwear and I'm really excited to throw away all of my underwear with holes in it. I also love notebooks and journals so...

maybe like, start your little part time on the side catering business or something?

This is pretty weak especially considering some of the stories I've heard from my friend who is a customer service rep for a department store. There are "regulars". Like regular harassers who call again and again, that they know by name and they can tell them to stop or pass them to a supervisor once things get weird,…

I'd like to not just see over all marriage statistics, but marriages for same sex couples. I'd be very very interested...

...I don't have penis restaurant story, but I feel compelled to share the story of the only time I saw a penis IRL. I was on my high school fencing team, I was one of two girls. We didn't always get all kitted out just to do footwork drills and stuff, just wore comfy clothes (this was a boarding school by the way,…

I had a GM who broke into the empty former U.S. cellular next door (there was a locked connecting door between the two businesses), and make it his personal drug den. For months he'd be 'going back to the office' and instead go into his magical half tore down crack party. Which was eventually discovered and he was…

Oh man some of these fucking stories guys. Run away and never look back.

Omg I actually teared up laughing at this.

I was going to come on here to say um, did Jezebel forget about same sex couples? Like there are lots of people out in the world where their sex life is already disconnected from procreation and yeah, um, it's pretty great thanks.

no no, corporations are trying to make a profit, it's only natural! free market solutions! mouth frothing! economic efficiency over bodily autonomy! Tax fat people!

Omfg "Is it allowed" to have separate blankets. True story, adults: if you are willing to live with the consequences everything is allowed. You're an adult. If the reason you do anything is "I thought that is how it's supposed to be" reconsider it, and if you arrive at the conclusion that you would still like to live…

It's funny basically anyone who get's the "Skrillex" haircut look so much better than Skrillex ever has/could/can. Especially women. It really shouldn't be referred to ask the Skrillex as much as the "Immediate lady hottener"

Did, like, a sexy waitress once steal her boyfriend or something? Did a waiter rear-end her? Did a restaurant kill her dog? How does it start, where does it come from?

I just can't conceive of any circumstances in my life when the temperature of french fries would ever convince me to treat another human being that way. I really, really, really, REALLY, want there to be some sort of undercover talk show situation where they catch people acting like that on camera and confront them…

My grandpa did the same thing to my father... except it was garlic. Like, what a beautiful place the world became for him when my mother cooked him those fateful scrambled eggs in the early days of their courtship...