Dude, Aperol is so delicious. I love it for its light bitterness (unlike Campari) and its sour orange-inflected flavor.

Last night I had partaken a boatload of Hemmingway Daiquiris (and today I had awoken with a killer hangover wishing I was high instead). The addition of Maraschino liqueur and grapefruit juice takes a boring sugar-spiked rum sour and elevates it to the next level. My rum of choice was Mt. Gay Eclipse, which is truly…

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

"Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" - Michael Jackson
"Voyeur" - James Blake
"Green Aisles" - Real Estate
"Soundtrack to the End" - Communist Daughter
"Odessa" - Caribou
"Walkabout (with Noah Lennox)" - Atlas Sound
"Goth Star" - Pictureplane
"She's a Wild Horse" - High Places
"Passenger Song" - Great Lake Swimmers
"Feel Like…

How gilded girl get pregnant?

A Boomer calling him/herself a "hippie" is just so hilarious.

I'll have you know that I enjoy my pink champagne on ice, sir!

It can be two things?

Somehow I knew it was going to take place in Ohio.

Guardians of the Rule 34.

"Large dongs are sinful creatures! God is more amendable to a man whose dong is microscopic in nature! A micropenis you must carve!"

Ugh. My local mall place used to have a Sbarro's in the food court. All I remember is that the pizza was really REALLY greasy. Like most chain pizzas you get are typically greasy, but I swear to god they took greasy pizza to a whole new level. Like it literally formed a shallow pool on your slice of pepperoni and..…

And then Nite Owl and Silk Spectre have hot, steamy sex while the world Twitter explodes.

Unfortunately, comedy now finds itself in midst of its DARKEST NIGHT, but soon all will be well when the BRIGHTEST DAY comes.

You could say the Twitter outrage over this brouhaha has reached..
(•_•)

It's a shame that Patton Oswalt didn't limit his Twitter essay to 52 posts.

THE COMEDY WRITES ITSELF, FOLKS.

Yeah, a "measured" take.

Or maybe he's having 3.14 slices of Pi.

Sadly, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when it comes to using historical figures as comic-book type superheros.