All we want for Christmas is for our abusive father to stop hitting us.

IN TROOTH I COME FRAWM THE MEAN STREETS OF PLYMOTH ROCK. WHERE MAH PURITAN JOIKS KNIFED ME WHEN THEY THAWT I WAS A WITCH WHEN I MADE BREWSKI FROM TURKEH. HAPPY MAHKSGIVING.

ACCENT SCHMACENT. I DID NEED NO CONJUNCTION JUCTION. BTW WHAT'S YAH FUNCTION?

DIS MAHN IS A PROPHET.

WHAT MAN YAH THINK IM A POSAH? HOW DAWR YOU, IM A FULL BLOOD BOSTONIAN, I WAS EXPUNGED FROM DAH UTERAL CANAL OF SAM ADAMS HIMSELF. WHEN OCTOBERFEST REARS ITS BEAUTIFAWL HEAD, PEOPLE WILL SACRIFICE BREWSKIS AT MY ATLAWR. WHEN THEY ARE COMFRONTED WITH A KNIFE WIELDING KNICKS FAWN IN A DARK ALLEY, WHO WILL BE THAR TO…

THE FAHK MAN. IF I CAN'T BE A COPPAH THEN WHO IS GOING TO PROTECT BAWSTON FROM THE HAAAAHVAD QUEEAHS? THEY NEED A MAN LIKE MARKY MARK AND THE FUNKY BUNCH TO PROTECT THE GOOD CITIZENS OF BAWSTON FROM THOSE NEW YAWK YANKEES. I SHALL USE MY WHALBURGERS OF JUSTICE, I WILL TAKE CRIME AND PUT IT AWN A GRIDLE. IT WILL BE…

Harry Potter fanfics are like a pox upon the internet.

So apparently on the Best Album of 2014 voting list, The Antlers' brilliant new album Familiars was not even mentioned among the many albums listed.
I..I can't even comprehend this right now.

Yeah man, both albums are quality stuff. The second album is definitely a lot mellower and less overtly electronic than the first record, with more live instrumentation included. It's like an 80's inspired meditative comedown after the intense highs of baroque love-infatuated bliss that became a hallmark of Idle Labor.

G4: We'll give you a fucking marathon of Cops and Cheaters and you will like it! Because fuck you and your love of video games! NERDSSSSS.

Coming soon from the producers of Rock of Love, it's Labia of Love with Bret Michaels!

Things were spinnin' 'round me
And all my thoughts were cloudy
And I had begun to doubt all the things that were me
Been in so many places, you know I've run so many races
I looked into the empty faces of the people of the night
Somethin' is just not right

When I first saw it, I thought to myself "Is—Is she constipated!?"

"After the Moment" - Craft Spells
"One Mo' Gin" - D'Angelo
"Sailing" - Deerhunter
"Brief Candles" - The Zombies
"The Letter" - Xavier Rudd
"Lofticries" - Purity Ring
"I Was A Landscape In Your Dream" - of Montreal
"Should Have Taken Acid With You" - Neon Indian
"Lover's Cross" - Jim Croce
"I Am Sold" - James Blake
"Now's the…

Mysterio.

Sexually, I might add.

The Entire Internet/The A.V. Club

Vox: It rhymes with Cox

New Idea for A.V. Club Screen Name: TetiBoi

Paul Blart: CopCop