"Cinderella, she seems so easy. 'It takes one to know one,' she smiles."
—"Desolation Row" (1965)

You know normally I'm totally down with the whole "90's worship but with a modern twisssst" but I can't with this show. I just can't.*

And then there's the Of Montreal route, where you can have your lead (white) singer transform himself into a black, hypersexual transvestite of early 80's Prince-ly musical ambition better known as Georgie Fruit.

The snozzberries.

"I don't like being with friends at concerts because it's distracting and I enjoy making excuses for my inadequacies." - Sonia Saraiya

There. I edited it.

This show is so spectacularly dumb, you wonder why it hasn't already suffocated itself while deep in the haze of continually huffing liquid paint— which I'm pretty sure explains everything about this M. Night Shamlamadingdong-esque carnival of crap.

And you're the most awesome person ever if you put Sriracha on eggs.

Where you can see dudes hitting each other.. with sticks!

If we're comparing The Strain and only the The Strain, then I still say giving this episode a B still feels generous.

I could agree with that.

Oh, I believe it has. But what I will say what somewhat redeems the awfulness of Coven is a very strong cast full of amazing actresses who can steal an otherwise drab scene and make it campy and wonderful. But unfortunately, not even somewhat amazing performances could save the show from bad writing, a morass of…

I definitely would've given this a C or C+

Fucking magnets, how do they work?

And the somewhat ironic thing about Dr. Doom when compared to some of the other so-called top tier villains of the Marvel universe, he doesn't have much in the way of inspiring much fear in his opponents. His most feared weapon is probably his sorcery, and even then he can be easily bested in that department by the…

Doesn't it ever make you wonder why Dr. Doom is still monarch of Latveria when he gets his ass handed to by some of the weakest elements of the Marvel universe, including an army of squirrels?

And as Legolas, with teledildonic bow in fecal-smeared hand, emerged from the extremely tight crevasse of the Mines of Moria (known as Justin Bieber's hole in the Dwarvish nomenclature)— he gazed upon those tender ruins and thoughtfully exclaimed "It's a dirty job but someone's got to fist it."

ALLEYCAT BLUES

The Uncanny Valley: The Final Shell Shock
(Angry TMNT fans vs. Super Michael Bay vs. Megan Fox's toe thumb)

STARBASE: WHERE NO TURTLE HAS GONE BEFORE.