He has a weird obsession with “Friends” and Jennifer Anniston.

That’s nothing. You should see my boy when we tell him we’re going for walkies.

Once you look at Aaron Rodgers insane stats as a starter you really to have to accept that Mike McCarthy is a war criminal for only getting this team on Super Bowl, right?
Like when you’re basic plan is, “Don’t get completely crushed and then let Aaron Rodgers win it in the fourth quarter,” and you can’t even manage…

What was wrong with it was Tony Siragusa.

I don’t know about you, but I ain’t doin’ shit even as we speak!

There’s no way Trump has ever played Super Mario Brothers.

Hey, federal employees!

The arresting officer..

I would say I have an addiction to the internet, but it’s not like I’m on Deadspin in the middle of the work day reading and commenting on stupid shit while missing pretty important deadlines.

Best final stage? American Gladiators (original) or GTFO. Just an endless barrage of semi-fit people getting mutilated by the best of 1980's roid rage.

I’m Central Florida material.

I really, really hope they break the curfew. Or just play them simultaneously. But this place isn’t exactly known for bucking convention

Giri, what happens to Nadal and Djokovic if this thing continues until the heat death of the sun? Is there any point at which they let the other match happen on another court?

Shimmy shimmy ya, shimmy yam, shimmy yay
I’m giving you this star so that you can take it away

Unlike O.D.B. the referee didn’t like it R.A.W.

2-0. Most dangerous. Blah, blah, blah. 

Related question: what’s wrong with shorts that are so tight and short you’re basically wearing underwear?

yakety_sax.mp3

Tiger really has to be careful around a hot mic.

“Double Bird?!?”