Cant tell if the chill celebrity weddings are an image thing/performative or if it's genuine. 

I take the death of every person younger than the orange overlord as a personal afront.

Jesus! It sounds like these death traps should come with a waiver.

You just know that he thinks a condolence tweet created and sent by a staffer is sufficient, unless someone else dialed the phone and interrupted ‘executive time’

A coffee table book with looks and mini biographies etc.

Teach me your ways

And with that, Harrison Ford becomes the new queen of shade. Glad to know he shares our view on the ranking of the chrises

Yeah but they are white men so they get away with it.

She also has to ensure she and the Democrats generally doesn’t look rabid and partisan, because that will fuck 2020.

Les Ananas ne parle pas!

Excuse me but Alex Trebek is Canada's dad. 

Yeah but don't you know science is for Communists?

Yet.

You and your perfect nuggets lights be onto something 🥰🥰

In my fan fic of this event she poisons them all at once, to save us all.

It's the weird pink might eyes. Animals with pink eye skin aren't as cute. But I still love them. 

Pre bed ice cream when I’m stoned is my shiiittt

If you can’t make me donate blood, or an organ in a situation that will save someone’s life, you can’t make a pregnant woman carry a pregnancy to term. I don't believe fetuses are people, but this takes that debate point out of the equation. 

Mk1y, but then like, what are the alternatives, to, like, alternative facts?

Okay but hang on. Have you tried placing tourmaline on your sacral chakra? It’s going to change your life.