Or you can get a Slingbox and watch tv that doesn't suck.

Should have prefaced that with "In my imagination—where I'm a total badass and don't mind taking things to extremes—I would just call 911. . ."

Quantity of interceptor missiles is irrelevant in regards to the DPRK. The only reason to deploy additional (sea-based) missiles would be to (more easily) defend our allies in the region.

"3: what's wrong with using fighter jets to blow up missiles midair?? it's probably cheaper and easier to do"

Guess it depends on what kind of engine you put in your potato gun. And you'll probably want to add some wheels.

...and how many millions of square miles would we need to cover with these things?

Hey, that's great. I assume they'll wait until every business in the world has decent quality electronic pens tho, right?

Can't remember the last time someone other than me even touched my credit card.

I remember seeing a knife (possibly on this site) that had a sort of spiral blade specifically designed to cause wounds that bled profusely. Would that be allowed? Could I bring two?

So it'll swing around and bang against stuff whenever you bend over? No thanks, my pocket works just fine.

Yep. What an idiot.

"swapping out a whole 75 per cent of the bone in his head for a man-made replacement"

Dammit, Comcast.

Sure, if I was too dumb to use AdBlock.

No and no.

You say depression, I say Americanization.

I have no motivation to clean and no desire to leave the house, but I can still put trash in bags and bags in bins.

New Roanoke: Still better than Roanoke.

A good trick is to come up with a standard password (8 characters or so) and insert the first three letters of the URL into it. For example, your standard password could be rfvtgbyh (easy to remember), and for Amazon it would be rfvtgbamayh, for Facebook it would be rfvtgbfacyh, etc.

Bonus: Photographer's watermarks are in Papyrus.