His arteries are clogged with patriotism.

Is he worried we are going to be invaded - I mean literally, physically invaded by Iran?

This is some grade-A ‘Murica porn.

field trip to commonwealth bank!!!

If I make a habit of kicking the air when no one’s around, and then when someone IS around I still kick (in airspace that now also contains another player’s testicles), I fail to see how it cannot be anyone’s responsibility but my own.

My favorite part is that in order to make Draymond Green appear like he doesn’t intentionally kick people in the balls, his coach has to call him a flopper.

Russ and KD to the Warriors right now:

“I’m not Batman.” Hmmm...sounds suspiciously like something someone would say if they were trying to hide the fact that they are Batman.

So if Green gets suspended, OKC wins the series, and then Cleveland wins the finals, that would make Dahntay Jones the team MVP.

Bill Simmons fucking hates this idea.

“While Carolyn [had] told him in the past that she wanted to die, she [had] never asked him specifically to kill her.”

I read this earlier and cried. We need fucking universal health care in this country. Greatest country in the world my ass. I legitimately want to move to Canada no matter who wins this election.

“That’s not how you play hide the cigar...”

It’s an underground thing, dude. The more questions you ask about it, the less I know.

I would watch a movie about this.

When Zeke agreed to the invitation to play “Connect Four” he thought it had something to do with a three-woman team of administrative personnel.

Interestingly, this actually does offend 9 out of 10 Native Americans.

You are taking a national election poll, conducted during the primary, by Fox News seriously?