I have essentially zero doubts that he’s faking, and that Vicki (who is an inherently, *deeply* desperate person in SO. MANY. WAYS.) allowed it herself to be fooled. From the first time he was on the show all I could think was that this man is the human equivalent of an oil slick crossed with a snake charmer.

Didn’t he tell Briana’s husband to start hitting her? Most of these people seem unpleasant but he is a scumbag.

Try being Polish and hyphenating, there is not a form on the planet where you’ll fit.

This is probably the first time that overdosing in a brothel saved a marriage.

You 100% had me at "his dog solves murders"

Don’t you make enough money to just buy another couch? You don’t? That’s not really my problem.

Also: Lace up your boots, dick. You get no slack if you’re going to be an asshole. And get your fucking feet off the couch.

who has the worse job: matt damon’s publicist or jeremy renner’s publicist?

I’m starting to think she’s going to talk about nothing but food for the duration of her pregnancy. That way, when the baby is born she’ll return to her previous shape, but the rest of us will be 35 pounds heavier.

With you on the first one, but wearing pajamas right now and I could not be more comfortable and happy in them.

I don’t think I’m as revolutionary as Galileo, but I don’t think I’m not as revolutionary as Galileo.

People who say that are always the worst drama-creating fucklords.

I totally believe that Halle Berry and her husband are crazy assholes. I don’t think it’s gossip mags trying to ruin their image. #truther

I don’t believe you, Kate.

Today in Kate Hudson news: She only works out 20 minutes a day, and her son’s friends have asked how old she is.

Remember to let that Lays bag breathe a little after you open it, I’m sorry aerate.

In a Mexican restaurant.