“Just hit rewind!”

I spent yesterday crying over my computer looking at how much sperm costs because my partner and I want to have a baby.

I literally choked on my breakfast laughing at this. Thank you.

Clip your toenails. Bury them outside. Lie over the site and write a haiku.

I maybe would have just closed the curtains, let them finish and sleep over, woken them up with Plan B and a bloody mary.

I have a question for people who know more about poly relationships than I do: Could the Bachelor/Bachelorette be considered a form of poly relationship (e.g. they all refer to Kaitlyn as “my girlfriend”)? If so, could she been seen as violating the boundaries of that relationship because she didn’t discuss sex with…

I’m not sure why I’m so invested in Jennifer and Ben’s marriage but I am and won’t believe anything until I hear their joint statement asking for privacy at this difficult time through their publicist.

Usually this is said right after someone talks about how beautiful one of my sisters is.

“You’re the smart one.”

I mean, your feet are big but at least they’re skinny.

I am so sorry that happened to you. Fuck that utter douchenozzle fart mouth.

Me reading the Tyga lyrics.

Disclaimer: I love Wait Wait.

This is terrifying.

As an eight year veteran of the movie theatre industry, I like to refer to the first story as “Typical Friday night.”

I understand that the first instinct is to be like

this is my go-to phrase/gesture in recent years.

I encourage you to explore the difference between sex and gender. Here is a resource that may help: http://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/tr…