The only way it could get worse, (and by “worse” I mean “even better,”) is if he were called to pray for him.

Well, because they get away with it. They have been for decades.

I had an “investigator” approach me and several colleagues about a co-worker and say, “We are investigating (co-worker). Have you noticed anything that might be considered inappropriate behavior toward children?We later learned that the investigator was working for CoS.

“I have daughters.”

Also, don’t release covers of Bob Marley songs. That shit was TERRIBLE.

Yes. If you have been going to the same hairdresser since 1960, then they piss you off, and you stop going to them, it is fair to say that you “fired” them. It is not technically accurate, but it is understood.

“Well, the one girl had the other girl attacked with a crowbar, but the other girl always seemed like a total bitch, sooooooo....”

Do fish have butts?

I have not thought about this exact question, but I HAVE wondered what Hagrid’s dick looked like. Also, that I would 100% do it with Hagrid.

Whaaaaaat? This has not been my experience. I mean, I’ll give you libertarian, but not liberal. That said, my experience with people who describe themselves as libertarian tend to skew racist.

This is offensive. Who the fuck has brunch on a WEDNESDAY?!

The thing is, I don’t think anybody was cut for her. I think there were 14, then Tyra was like, “Okay, maybe 15!” And I’m betting she’s gone in the next two weeks. (But you are correct. She was fucking terrible.)

I was yelling at the TV, “Khyrystyhahnyha!! Detach, girl! DETACH!!!”

No, thank you.

I’m not really getting the idea that he leads a particularly examined life....

You mean the photo directly under the words ”Before Erin Jackson became a U.S. Olympic speedskater, she was a roller derby star.”?

Nice try! I’m 100% not going to google that.

I really hope that when you’re grieving the loss of a partner, there is somebody close-by to talk shit about what they’ve always hated about you.

You seem like a super compassionate and nice person.

Right? This is the intersection of appropriation, (in the same way that I got caught “appropriating” a pack of Now n’ Laters from the store when I was 8,) and pure, distilled Beckery.