Don’t forget her self-help book, “My Thighmaster, My Self”.

That isn’t Nicki Minaj. (Or even “Nikki Minoj.”)

I’ve gotten the shits every single time I have ever eaten at Chipotle, so I kind of wonder how one distinguishes between food poisoning and just eating at Chipotle.

That’s not a criticism, it’s an observation.

I think you’re safe.

Same.

TERFy as fuuuuuuuuuuck.

He CAN’T be a rapist, because Scientology. Duh.

Boucher’s attorney released the following statement: “Swish Swish, Bish.”

You said it...

Well, sure, because I have context clues. Sort of like when my Aunt Judy went around referring to things as “fleek.” But what you said is pretty much the opposite of what you meant.

“Black people don’t support white rappers.”

That’s not really how you use that word...

Are you seriously saying that you don’t know how to treat a woman with respect because nobody has written an article telling you how? I mean, it sounds like that is what you’re saying, but you can’t actually be saying that.

Nah. Rand Paul would gleefully kill millions of Americans through privation and lack of healthcare. Is that cool, simply because he’s not killing them with his own hands?

I would also accept “bitch ass”.

You must have a really fulfilling life.

Also the supply closet. And the parking lot. And at your desk.

“I made hotdogs. BEGIN SEXXING ME NOW.”

You realize that different stories can be about different things, right? And that if one celebrity gossip site doesn’t have the news you’re looking for, you can actually go look for it, elsewhere, right?