I’m sorry, but I’m having a hard time thinking of one thing in the world Calista would be too classy for.

I’m the only thing standing between you and repeating the 7th grade, Trixie Mattel.

I’m the same with Seinfeld. I tried to watch it once and I was like, “These people SUCK.”

You can’t spend too much time trying to figure out who the worst is, because they’re all the fucking worst. It’s like a worst snake eating it’s own worst tail.

And please remember that, as they’re landing on that hard floor, all of their junk is duct-taped to their taint.

I kind of don’t get Jezebel anymore. It’s this odd mixture of feminist ideology and “OOH! GIRL FIGHT!!”

Seriously. I wanna be like, “Hey, here’s a shiny new nickel. Go buy yourself some dignity.”

Maybe if you comment a few more times, it’ll really, really convince us how much you don’t care.

She doesn’t really “do” faces. That’s just pretty much her one face.

She loves him, but she’s not IN LOVE with him.

I’m just glad that I don’t need Ancestry.com to tell me that I’m not Native American. (I pretty much only like to touch strangers.)

Technically is was “dusty”, which is even funnier.

Baloo from The Jungle Book could straight up GET IT.

I think there is probably some middle ground between not having friends and having a “squad”. Like, maybe she has friends, but she didn’t tell you about it?

She is the grossest, most putrid imitation of a human being I have ever seen. So crass and genuinely unlikable.

Just use bulletpoints.

I get insane cravings for chocolate chip cookies after sex. Sometimes even during. I’ve been known to be like, “Hang on. BRB....”

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

I also do.

Why is no one talking about the important question here?