Except that it put these two words together for the first time ever.... “Dijon Honolulu”.... and now I’m legally changing my name.

Anne Hathaway is pregnant! Isn’t that great? A source says she “wants to keep it quiet” until she “has an official pregnant belly,”

I have it on very good authority from Strawberry Shortcake that Blueberry Muffin’s vagina* does, in fact, taste like blueberry.

After seeing how sharp the referee looked in his uniform, the players decided they too would like to wear stripes.

Sports torts are notoriously difficult to prove, because the violence must not be specific to the nature of the sport in question (i.e., a hockey player who gets slammed especially hard into the boards has no claim, since the act of playing that sport involves a certain assumption of risk).

When Robot House bests you in the regatta.

I’m proud of you son

When asked what advice she provided to the inmates before their escape, she replied “Don’t let them see you, Sweat”.

I don’t want to sound like an advocate for raping your teammate to death, but in this case it would open up a spot in the infield.

I AM SO HAPPY

my god! it’s butts all the way down!

Sorry, EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD, I’ll never read anything funnier than the phrase “Pounded in the Butt by My Own Butt”

One time in LA, I watched a dude order a double meat Seafood Sensation / Cheesesteak hybrid. He sheepishly looked at me and said “Surf and Turf”. Haven’t had Subway since.

Welcome to our show— hold on, I gotta finish this blowjob.

Throwing a nomination in for “Giggle Nuggets”.

"toe-ast"

Canadian milk?

"You really shouldn't call it a bowl if you aren't going to put soup in it!"

But it's specifically called Irish coffee because it's alcoholic. You know, like the Irish.