Eckhart seems like a nice guy but I have heard he can be kind of two faced.

Odie-ous. Sadly, this kind of thing has become the new Nermal.

They want all the notoriety, attention and money that comes with being in the royal family, just none of the responsibility or criticism. They could have just bought a house in Aspen and just lived like any of the thousands of quiet millionaires that don’t thrust themselves into the spotlight and disappeared from…

“The M&M personalities are trying to undo the ropes, but their hands are slippery from sweat”

Terror on the Prarie sounds like a headline Kent Brockman would read.

Old Spaghetti Factory lets me sit inside an old trolley, and doesn’t cost anywhere near $150 per person for lunch or dinner.

Maybe this year we can get him all liquored up and hear his thoughts on Foghat.

My dad said this same thing about fellatio, but he never really left the house until mom died.

Cady, that’s who. Cady...did.

I was not expecting Anya Taylor-Joy to lose a competition centering on her eyes being filmed.

Let this be a lesson to the other asteroids.

Dimorphos knows what it did.

As is tradition, she will be fed to her corgis.

Eventually all KFC offerings come out in spray form, if you catch my drift.

This kind of stuff would never have flown at Tiger Beat. 

You know how I know you’re gay a complete idiot? You write ‘all lives matter’ in your posts.

You might even call her a Florence Pughilist

I always like how the movies taking place in New York somehow have absolutely no Jews.

Where the teeth...and the people...are whiter. I just had to watch a few dozen of these movies because of my job, and they are quite possibly the whitest things ever created by white people. I might have to watch Sweet Sweetback’s Badass Song for the next 24 hours just to detoxify.