I had my car for 15 years and never took the spare key out of the little ziplock bag it came in. My tinfoil hat-y theory is that the cops found her spare key (or had a new one made) and planted DNA on it. There’s no way no other DNA was on that key. Car keys get filthy. You’d have to boil it in bleach to get the dead…

This incident will have a Scooby Doo ending, I just know it.

I’m so glad you know this.

When I was 5, I asked for an elephant for Xmas. My dad was all, “You can have one but you have to wait until we get a bigger yard.”

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

Me, too!!

lol moat

This. No way I putting my bare feet on someone else’s bathroom floor. Not even my sock feet. I’ll wear those socks with the rubber textured bottoms or house slippers. I wear slippers in my own house. I had a visitor take off his shoes in my house and he left gross foot skin prints all over my dark wood floors.

I was born and pretty much raised in Wesy Philly. Me and my homies spent most of the time chillin’, you know, like, maxin’ and relaxin on the playground most days, trying to be all cool and shit. One day we were out shooting some hoops outside of the school when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making…

See. I would buy the fuck out of that if I had Koch brothers-type semoleons. Not even kidding. Broken? Don't care.

My aunt had her youngest at 54. She thought she had cancer. She never went to the doctor because she figured that if the cancer was that big and growing that fast, she was already a dead woman. She figured out that she was pregnant when her water broke while she was standing in the kitchen. Amniotic fluid has a…

My mom talked about being able to “tell the future” like it was no big deal. There was all kinds of crazy in her family so a kid who could predict who was going to, say, call on the telephone in the next five minutes was not strange. It was never big things. Although, a couple of times she wouldn’t let us go somewhere…

My mom had precognitive abilities that increased with each of her four pregnancies. It completely went away when the last of us began puberty. She could also smell electrical outlets.

Incredibly sad.

I’ll be using this meme a lot today.

Ok. So where do the period chunks go?

lol “hate her extra hard”

That’s the best question, ever. I am laughing way too hard about this. I keep coming back to it and giggling my ass off.

I wonder if the Queen has ever had an orgasm.

And if you couldn't afford the club fees?