That was Malkovich, but yeah. "I'm not here representing Hardbodies."

Burn After Reading is a top-five Coens film for me, and it's criminal that it gets overlooked so often. People say they want a Lebowski sequel, but they already got it.

If you've seen one, you've seen them all - literally.

I'm legitimately surprised there wasn't an Asylum-level Expendables rip-off with third-tier 80s action stars like Dudikoff, Speakman, Darby Hinton, Sho Kusogi, Fred Williamson, the Paper Chase guy, Lou Gossett Jr., etc.

The Lost World gets my vote because it's the only movie of his where I could feel that his heart wasn't in it. Even Indy/Crystal Skull had some bits where I thought Spielberg was at least trying something new, like the parkour fight scene at the ruined temple. Lost World feels like an obligation. Each time I've seen…

If a game has to be rescheduled because of weather, they’ll usually make it part of a doubleheader where both games are shortened to 7 innings.

Yes, but only because of a court order. I'm assuming your problem is related to a technical issue, in which case I can't help you and I don't know why I even bothered to respond with such a deeply embarrassing personal detail.

"He's a high-quality person, very elite person. Very exceptional person, very luxurious. Lots of floor space, with view of the park. Full concierge service. Just a fabulous person all around."

HANNITY: Thank you for joining me tonight, sir. Is this a big deal?
TRUMP JR.: No, Sean, this isn't a big deal at all.
HANNITY: Okay, my follow-up question is this - Aren't liberals bad?
TRUMP JR.: Totally, Sean. Liberals are the real problem with this country but the media never talks about it. Totally a much bigger…

This is it, then. There's no hope for any of us. The only thing left for us to do is try to make our last remaining years while this planet is habitable good ones. Teach your children to be kind, share what you can with your neighbors, tell your family you love them, find your connection to a higher power…

"We can fix it! I mean, not 'we' as in 'us, right now,' but 'we' as in 'somebody else, later.'"

Well gosh, thanks.

For me it was a little bit much, but at least it was grounded in the idea that Peter is kind of in over his head. He wants to be a big-time hero so much that he loses sight of what that actually means. That’s why even though it’s a good thing they didn’t rehash the origin story all over again, I thought it would have…

I like that the Republican joke acknowledges that opposing Republicans is in and of itself a moral victory.

Won…what?

It was fine, but knowing that it could have been an Edgar Wright movie instead took some of the fun out of it.

Oh wait, there's actually a third mode: "This guy, loaned me hundreds of millions of dollars to prop up my golf courses, this is a good guy, this guy."

And allegedly the movie department and TV department don't like each other now, so that's why people keep asking if Luke Cage and Coulson are going to be in Avengers 3 and the answer is always "Well…"

He has precisely two modes of interacting with people: "This guy, likes me a lot, this is a great guy, this guy" and "This guy, very unfair to me, not a good guy, this guy."

The statement about the First Lady's TBA cyberbullying initiative really is something else. The phrase "she's continuing to be thoughtful about her platform" is right up there with "it depends on what the definition of 'is' is."