Oh my god, you are 100% right! Especially:

I wish more people could be like you! Pop really is poison, and you don’t notice it until you’ve stopped for long enough for the symptoms to stop. I have a friend who thought they were having heart problems because they stopped drinking it cold turkey.

Yay! My twin. :) :)

Oh snap, really? Thanks, I’ll check that out!

(rolling Rs) rrrrrrreeeeKOTah, spa-get, moo-za-rellll, what else am I missing? I think her food always sounds good but I don’t like watching her make it or listening to her talk (especially in faux over-pronouned Italian).

ALL OF THEM. ALL OF THE TEETH IN ALL OF THE WORLD.

I miss TWOP so much! And there’s nothing else like it out there that I’ve found yet (although the A.V. Club comes close-ish).

I live in Austin too, and ....YEEEEEPPPPPP. I like this place but the rest of the state can fuck right off.

My sister introduced me! Everybody else in the family thinks we’re crazy, including our other sister. None of my friends will even let me get the suggestion out of my mouth, never mind actually trying it.

Mustard? Well, I’ll try it!

My favorite part!

Exactly! And I’m touchy about texture so you know it can’t be too goopy and bloopy.

Me too! My childhood favorite: dill pickles with peanut butter. Can be in sandwich form (bread must be toasted), but is better just mooshed together.

And how many times did you get slapped for calling it “Rancho Up-Chucko?” Because I don’t think I could’ve resisted.

I mean, hopefully he’s into the kind involving me and him and his twin brother I just made up.

Oooh, good catch!

AND he is still convinced the electoral college was AGAINST him! And still crying about it!

SUCH a baby bitch. I mean, just a titty-baby, little crying baby bitch. Ween even wrote a song about him!

At a SHOVEL FACTORY! A shovel factory! I mean, the jokes just write themselves! Are these fuckers even trying anymore??? 

Watching The Handmaid’s Tale is starting to make me very, very nervous.