Timbuktu is AMAAAAZIIIIIIINNNNNGGG!!!!

SAME, lady dragonflies. Same.

You know what? Forget the blackjack!

I wish I could star you so many times for the reference to Wash Hogwallup. :D :D :D :D

There ya go, that’s it. Perfect. Oh god now I think I have to go to Wal-Mart.

Well, maybe if he just...tucked it in a little more?

I like those shoes! I’m a sucker for a Mary Jane, and the hell looks like it’s not painful-as-all-get-out.

He...thinks the bible is an historical document? That was the part that broke my brain. He really believes Noah existed and lived for 600 years and then a flood really did happen and every person/plant/animal died and only two of each animal (bible never mentions plants) survived and then somehow incest didn’t happen…

Now that is a very good dog.

Wow. Just...wow. I was going for illiterate but you’re right, he’s too vain for glasses. We’re all so, so fucked.

Jesus. Do you think he can actually see beyond his own nose?

Whaaaat?

This will totally get lost in the greys, but can we talk a little about the emotional languages in this video? Everything about it is so negative, it almost feels like sarcasm.Or just extreme out-of-touchness.

When I first moved to Austin, I attended an event at this speedway where I met Tura Satana and it was the most wonderfullest day ever. I have no idea who owned it in 2001, but bless them forever for hosting the event!

*sniff*

Me too! Sometimes it’d just be me and one other kid, too. Like, why are we doing this even? I never sit at any kids table as an adult, either.

Literally the only time a tan suit is acceptable. And if there is a lady present, she must be wearing a scarf around her giant beehive, with huge sunglasses covering half her face. Perhaps both are smoking with cigarette extenders?

Yeah, because they’re actually people and shit! I think I know if I am capable of taking care of an extra human. And if I say I’m not, then FUCKING BELIEVE ME, PEOPLE. Trust.

Are you me? That’s the same thing I say all the time. I have NEVER liked children, even when I was one. I was the only kid in a family full of adults—literally. So it was just me and grownups and I learned very quickly that listening to adult conversation is much more interesting than trying to talk with a child who…

And then this old saw comes out, “But you’ll feel differently once you have one!”