Make the 2 captains play a televised game of H-O-R-S-E to see who picks first while you’re at it

“While the Cavaliers DID beat the shit out of the Celtics, I’d like to point out that the Roundheads did so quite effectively as well, and WE didn’t need to swear fealty to an outmoded monarchy to do it. Just sayin’.”

I’m here to win medals and get laid, and it looks like they’re all out of medals.

BECAUSE IT’S NOT A MALL, IT’S A DESTINATION.

This is the awning of the age of hilarious.

And in our desperation we turned to a city we didn’t fully understand.

If I could do that I wouldn’t leave the house.

Go fuck yourself.

I’m an Indians fan that has wanted it gone for years. Fucking finally. They’re gonna sell a fuck load of Wahoo merchandise this year though. Theoretically I guess it’s good that they’ll hold on to the trademark. They can limit the amount of merch sold and, if they didn’t hold on to it, one of the Cleveland t-shirt…

I can’t help it if I’m the biggest and the strongest. I don’t even exercise.

That’s better than if the giant is throwing rocks at you. You can face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.

People in visors are assholes.

Somebody has been shopping at Herb Tarlik’s garage sales.

This is heartbreaking so instead I will pretend this article was about what I first thought upon reading the headline, which is: a schnauzer who is 81 years old and also a queen.

Yeah, I’m not calling it that.

NOOOOOOOO

Still not the most Canadian performance ever:

Does this sound very similar to Harry Potter movie music?