Everybody knows the only thing worse than being assaulted by your brother is to be that brother and have other people find out that you assaulted your sisters.

My favorite vignette about Victorian smells:

it’s almost like victorian times sucked and people should stop romanticizing it

I was listening on the radio and I swear I thought he was going to pass out.

I know the future of our planet is at stake here, so I apologize in advance for my superficial comments to follow. But....listening to trump speak from prepared remarks is even worse to me than his extemporaneous raving. To think he called Jeb! low energy. I cannot stand how he reads and then, oy this is hard to…

My peak joyful moment of last nights episode was when Ashton Kutcher refused to engage in a waboom with Lucas. When even fucking Ashton Kutcher, who built his career yelling in trucker hats, thinks you’re too extra, you are probably too freakin extra.

Sorry, that girl (ex, non-ex, whatever) is crazy. Crazy eyes. Crazy voice. Crazy penchant for justice. The man might not be a prize but imagine showing up for cameras to rain on his reality TV parade.

Okay Peter’s date was FANTASTIC and their discussion of their gap teeth warmed my cold, dead heart to no end. It was so GENUINE!

this moron can’t even get through a basic intelligence briefing without colorful pictures and a tablecloth to draw on.

Trudeau: I saw your handshake with Trump yesterday. So masterful. Is your grip always so firm?

Trudeau: Did he try that handshake bullshit on you?
Macron: Oh yeah, he totally did. Thanks for the tips.

I was going to point this out. Totally agree. It’s the best, because it provides us with the insight into Trump’s brain. It’s the same I’m-nodding-but-not-really-listening-processing-anything-you-say nod and constipated facial expression he wears when people are speaking English to him. He never really, actually…

Watson is definitely good, but not nearly as good as the actors in Olive Garden commercials. You genuinely feel like they are enjoying Olive Garden, which they aren’t.

I want Macron and Justin Trudeau to simultaneously whisper in French to me.

And he slightly tilts his head like when dogs try to understand what’s going on.

Ha! He did the yank and that guy yanked right back!

Don’t kid yourself: that entire handshake was about the respective size of two men’s penises. It’s clear to me (I have a penis and therefore can speak to these things) that Macron had this planned: he was not letting go— watch as it’s President Dumbass who releases his shrimp fingers first— until he was sure that…

I guess Ted Cruz will never have your vote

He is literally everything the GOP claims to hate.