Learn to cook to temperature. Digital thermometers and adherence to exact temps lead to increased chances at success.

Well, tonight I’ll throw a party and I know who I’ll invite
There’s a strange and lonely person with whom I’ll spend this night
There’ll be no old sad memories to haunt me till I die
In that room there’ll be a bottle
And me, myself and I

This feels like a maguffin. I saw “frozen foods” in the headline and thought, “Oh, great. Pot pie, fish sticks, stoner pizza, Salisbury steak ...” Then y’all went all Toaster Strudel and ice cream on me. The funnel was way wide on this one. I mean, I’ve been desperate enough to eat a frozen Toaster Strudel while it…

Cannot recommend highly enough Michael Ruhlman’s 2013 book on cooking with schmaltz.

Nah. You mistakenly took some Kroger sleeping pills.

Although the trees are quite lovely, you should see the rest of the forest.

My beloved Publix could teach seminars on how your housebrand labeldoesn’t have to be boring:

Two weeks ago, I was in the garden area at Home Depot. They had moved all the herbs and vegetables inside the perimeter instead of out on the exterior sidewalk. (Wise move.) I live in Florida, so things have been blooming and growing for quite a while. We’re only about a month until it’s too hot to grow anything…

+1 for the screen name.

... using a cart requires a coin deposit that shoppers only get back once they’ve returned the cart to the corral themselves ...

That the standards of hygiene which I insist be upheld by every restaurant in the world would, if applied to my own refrigerator, red-flag me like a pop-up Limburger shop inside a slaughterhouse in Wuhan.

The Michiganders? We’ll keep those. Same thing for the Wisconsiners and the MinnAHsoooootans.

As a Floridian, I so enjoy the Florida Man trope.

I’m attempting, for once, to stay on message:

Only took seven comments to get to the dog torturing.

It’s a very Terry Gilliam idea to think that the Corona incubus would be a kindly retirement-age worker foisting toothpick-mounted Vienna sausage samples on a virally susceptible public.

Beyond having one of the best names I ever encountered, Crescent Dragonwagon is as delightful as her soups and cookbooks.

Can’t figure out why my Doritos smell like Cool Ranch diapers.

I like to imagine this shape is what Gordon Ramsey uses to skip them like stones across a pond.