Wanksy.

I’m part diabetic hummingbird, so I don’t mind.

Biting into a freshly-birthed glazed “HOT NOW” Krispy Kreme has to be like what a vampire experiences biting into virgin flesh.

“Please help me be nice to these people, or at least more understanding.”

This will be convenient in San Francisco for customers who prefer to shit on the sidewalks.

I take vending machines very seriously. So much so that I documented the vileness dispensed by the Wheel O’ Death at the place where I worked in the early 2000s. Amid all of the “snacks” was this tasty creation.

Ouroboros - A circular symbol depicting a snake, or less commonly a dragon, swallowing its tail, as an emblem of wholeness or infinity.

This seems so Ashbachwards.

Is it snortable?

I was in Publix yesterday with my bride of 10,733 days, all excited about making Christmas cookies. I was super-psyched because I’m lazy and I enjoy dragging all kinds of things through melted chocolate bark, especially Ritz crackers. So buttery and salty and sweet and irresistible. Then I see this on the shelf:

YOU CAN’T GO! ALL OF THE COSTCOS ARE GONNA DIE!

So much remarkable storytelling and commentary. Reads like that cooking club that’s really a martini club where we drink too much and by the end of the day, we’re all sharing social security numbers unwisely.

I accept.

Yah. I meant, it wasn’t a food item that was the biggest food story.

I don’t think it was a food, although you could argue that craft beer blew up this decade like nothing else.

Oh, holy nuts, our tongues are shining brightly.

If we’re judging on video clip, Patti wins.

I can’t justify the space an electric waffle maker takes up.

Hopefully they’ll keep inserting her in different scenerios and getups.

That photo looks like takoyaki and now I want takoyaki AND meatballs with fried onion rings and, hell, everything that ever appears on this damn site.