Certainly a sure-fire way to keep Starbucks from roasting the everlovin’ hell out of their beans. I’m in!

“I’m Upset: Do not give me ketchup packets.”

Just had this conversation with a co-worker about the under-appreciated cranberry.

LOOK AT THE BIG BRAIN ON STACEY!

WERNER HERZHOG IN SPAAAAAACE.

Nicole Stott is the real damn deal. And nice as pie. Grew up in Florida, which, you know, makes her cool as hell.

Is this where we declare how thankful we are for The Takeout?

If hard candies aren’t fused into a lumpy brick in my grandmother’s Swarovski bowl on the coffee table, inedible unless you take a power chisel or welding torch to separate the candies, I ain’t eating them.

Made meatballs in a hot tub-sized Crock Pot™ in 2004 for an office party using the tried and true grape jelly and chili sauce recipe.

I bet they’re addictive.

It’s so brilliantly simple and does exactly what it was designed to do: Feed a lot of people relatively cheaply using an easy-to-follow recipe and make more money for Campbell’s.

Let it P’zone, let it P’zone, let it P’zone.

This will be the second Thanksgiving since the passing of Dorcus Reilly, who created the recipe for Green Bean Casserole for the Campbell’s Home Economics Department.

I’m well aware.

My favorite Jalop article ever.

I was told there would be Stevie Nicks.

I was told there would be Stevie Nicks.

I will say that I get non-breaded wings at the grocery deli and use the air fryer to freshen them and make them crispy instead of putting them under the oven broiler.

It wasn’t that kind of party.

Oh, very much longer. Very, very much. So much so, that the next year, I deployed a Hostess Cupcake Easy Bake to save time. Didn’t save hardly anything. Had to pry that one open, too.

I once did an Easy Bake Oven Thanksgiving, complete with green bean casserole, powdered mashed potatoes, stuffing and mini-marshmallowed yams, just to see if I could. Turns out, you can. It’s not delicious, it takes forever with one lightbulb and you may have to pry the back off your oven to release whatever gets…